Have yourself a ‘millennial’ little Christmas

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By Rhick Lars VladimerAlbay
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IT’S that time of the year again: when people try their best to seem festive and happy on social media, when you wonder if the endless lines at the grocery store mean people are stockpiling for the apocalypse, and when telecommunications companies can be taken down by a flood of “Merry Christmas!” and “Happy New Year!” – the holidays!

We all know the uniquely Filipino traditions in these celebrations –Noche Buena, Simbang Gabi and what not – but how about the new generation? With their iPhones and selfies, how do they celebrate Christmas and New Year? How does a cool and trendsetting millennial  go about his or her holidays, you ask? Well, you’ve come to the right place.

The ugly Christmas sweater

You know that jacket your grandmother spent back-breaking hours on crocheting and knitting – the one you didn’t appreciate despite all the heart and time your lolaspent on it, thanked for with a faked smile and were forced to wear for your family photos – that’s the essence of the ugly Christmas sweater.

Rendered in the very flattering colors of Santa Claus red and Milo marathon green, it’s perfect for those holiday OOTDs (outfit of the day), saying to the world “Hey! I’m quirky, weird and cute! And I love it!”

If your grandma’s gifts no longer fit you, don’t fret your friendly neighborhood H&M and Forever21 stores have got your back. Nothing says the warmth of family during Christmas like sweatshop labor and high prices.

Flat Lay everything

For those unfamiliar with the flat lay, its arranging objects – mostly vintage paraphernalia – on a flat surface in a clean yet artsy way – like someone suffering from mild obsessive compulsive disorder – then snapping a few pics for Instagram.

And when I say everything, I mean everything. From your family’s Noche Buena to all your Christmas gifts after you’ve opened them, to the meager twenty pesos your frugal ninong shelled out for you, if it can be staged on a flat surface, it can be flat layed.

Be prepared to annoy a few family members though, as you ask them to delay the meal while getting the positioning of the pasta next to the bottle of wine just right.

Family #SquadGoals

Coerce your extended family to pretend long enough that everyone gets along to take the perfect #SquadGoals family picture.

Everyone knows that for Filipinos the holidays are always the venue for a family reunion. So why don’t take advantage of the opportunity to take the most epic family photo and make your Facebook friends green with envy.

Nothing says togetherness quite like asking your argumentative titato stand closer – maybe even fake hug – your lolo whom she hasn’t talked to in nearly a year because of “reasons”.

When finally sharing it on social media, caption it “Merry Christmas from our dysfunctional family to yours! *heart emoji* *Christmas tree emoji* *knife emoji*”

Your “heartfelt” year-end reflection

Now this is where it gets competitive.

There’s something about a year coming to an end that just dredges up suppressed memories and pseudo-deep thoughts and reflections – and what better place to air out your dirty laundry than on your very public Facebook wall.

But you should know that posting your year-end musings is a cut-throat arena of competition – as other social media friends will try to outshine you with “deeper”  expressions and longer tirades, especially with 2016 being labeled the “worst year ever”.

Pine about the hardships you went through and how you conquered them like the god or goddess that you are, personally tag a few friends who enabled you and your drama, then code name the your haters and the exes you now despise. Remember to pepper in a few non-related quotes you shoveled from the internet for good measure.

Get  a head-start on your competition and start writing yours now, then when the new year countdown starts, post it nonchalant as if you typed it in just 15 minutes  (not 5 days and 5 drafts like what actually happened).

Claim that 2018 is going to be YOURS to slay, just like you declared last year and a few years before that./PN
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