I TOLD you I wasn’t for the crystal kayak fad.
Sure, I enjoyed the photoshoot in the middle of the ocean.
I mean, manong was feeling good with what he was doing.
I let him direct me.
He was feeling creative with his stock ideas of crystal boat photography.
And still, I vamp stubbornly my way, my signature poses.
***
Still, the photos were crappy.
I couldn’t understand this poor people’s fascination with the 0.5 setting.
The wide angle function just distorts the photo!
Cousin was explaining that it’s for the view.
But the view is for poor people who can’t afford to be here!
I’ve seen the view.
Now, can we just focus on me and my beautiful smile?
***
The crystal kayak shoot put me in a mood.
Can you shoot me around the white beach?
Can I do something decidedly different?
Something that’s signature Peter Solis Nery?
***
And perhaps, for the first time in Boracay history, a (local) Filipino tourist climbed up a coconut tree manangguite-style.
I can imagine locals doing it.
I mean, they may have gathered tuba from the trees based on the papha steps.
I can imagine foreigners doing it.
Some poor foreigners haven’t seen a coconut tree in their life before, you see.
***
But can you imagine a Manileño or Cebuano or Davaoeño tourist climbing a coconut tree in Boracay?
They would look silly! Haha.
Thus, I made history again.
And made coconut tree climbing on Boracay’s white beach decidedly mine.
Oh, you can try to do it yourself next time.
But you will not be the first to do it. Haha.
Oh, and be sure that when you climb, you are wearing a fashionably flashy pair of pink Calvin Klein underwear.
***
And if you have the nerve to say that you did it before I did, where’s your proof?
Because my climb was documented.
And immediately posted on social media.
And that makes it “unforgettable, undeniable”. Haha.
***
My stunts are not about great things.
They’re about ordinary things done greatly.
I mean, that’s what being rich is all about: having the power to do things greatly.
Without much care about costs, economic returns, gains or profits.
***
The spontaneous decision to go to Bora on a whim is a rich person’s move.
Sure, a little trust in fate and destiny matters.
But mostly, it’s trust in what your money can do for you.
Can you hire a van?
Can you hire tricycles?
Can you hire habal-habal?
Can you hire a boat?
***
More importantly, wouldn’t that be keeping you away from your business?
Well, business is for poor people who need profits and income.
If you can’t enjoy Bora on a whim, what makes you think you are rich enough?
***
But I cannot ruin everybody’s planned vacation.
If every tourist bought special outfits, booked expensive hotels, travelled first class to enjoy a one most important vacation of their life, who am I to criticize their terrible fashion sense?
Who am I to criticize their noisy, squatter talk mentality?
***
And what?
Go “live”, go vlogging?
GoPro?
Couldn’t afford an iPhone 14 Pro Max?
***
I know I’m a terrible person when I talk bitchy rich.
But the rich is always terrible on the poor people.
Rich people don’t bother how other rich people think.
Again, I know I can be very offensive.
But only to the poor.
Now, raise your hands if you are offended.
You deserve it! Haha./PN
