PEOPLE need to feel good about themselves, and admitting fault or wrongdoing often makes us feel inadequate or flawed.
An excuse becomes a way of convincing ourselves — and sometimes others — that our mistakes were not intentional, but involuntary. It allows us to shift blame away from ourselves so we do not have to feel guilty about what we have done, and consequently, about who we are.
The problem is that genuine self-esteem does not come from believing we are perfect or incapable of making mistakes. Real self-esteem comes from acknowledging our shortcomings, admitting poor decisions, and recognizing when we have acted badly.
True self-esteem means owning our mistakes and understanding that by taking responsibility — and making amends when necessary — we become better people. Goodness is not about perfection in the first place; it is about accountability.
We are all flawed human beings. Instead of making excuses, we can simply accept when we have done something wrong, repair whatever damage we caused as best we can, apologize when necessary, and strive to do better in the future.
The beauty of this process is that it allows us to recognize where we went wrong, correct our behavior, and continue growing as human beings.
I used to become irritated whenever people, usually at the last minute, invited me to go somewhere when all I really wanted was to go home and rest.
On one hand, if I declined, I feared they might stop inviting me altogether, leaving me isolated. On the other hand, if I gave in and joined them, I usually ended up not enjoying myself and eventually resenting my inability to simply say “no.”
I once discussed this dilemma with a friend who happened to be a counselor. Her advice was simple, yet invaluable.
“Just say, ‘I’d love to go out, but I already have plans.’”
Was that a lie? Was it merely shading the truth? Absolutely not. I did have plans — with myself. Those plans might simply involve going home, relaxing, and doing nothing. But they were still plans.
In the end, that realization gave me the freedom to say “yes” when I genuinely wanted to go out and “no” when I did not. As an added benefit, my friends eventually learned to invite me several days in advance instead of at the last minute.
Am I still shading the truth a little? Perhaps. But no one gets hurt, and I am no longer perceived as someone who always refuses invitations and is therefore eventually excluded. After all, I simply have plans.
I could continue discussing this endlessly, but I have to go now. I already have plans for the rest of the evening.
Life is not merely about addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. Life has its ups and downs, and everyone struggles to survive within his own fragile shell while navigating a dangerous ocean of uncertainties.
Life is also filled with excuses, and many times we fail to apologize or say a sincere “sorry” at the right moment.
Excuses know no age. I still remember two meaningful examples.
The church was crowded during a confirmation ceremony. A woman arrived late because of heavy traffic. Looking around for assistance, she glanced to the left and right until a young man appeared willing to help her.
He murmured, “Move a little, the LOLA wants to sit down.”
At first, the situation seemed harmless. But after taking a deep breath, the woman realized what the young man had just implied. She was only 38 years “young.”
Uneasy, she looked at the teenager, who smiled awkwardly at her. How old could he have been? Fourteen or fifteen? A huge age gap still existed between them.
Suddenly realizing the inappropriateness of his remark, the young man stuttered, “Sorry, Madam, please excuse me!”
I was equally emotional while listening to the story of a former editor colleague in Germany many years ago. Her mother had emotionally rejected her throughout her life. Only while lying on her deathbed did her mother finally offer an explanation and ask forgiveness for her lifelong mistake.
Excuses born out of embarrassment — or simple alibis — can be found everywhere.
Tell me, dear reader, how many times have you already used the word “if”?
Consider this example:
“If I pass my German language exam with distinction, my partner will be very proud of me.”
Certainly not only your partner — but I, too, as your German language professor at USEP – University of Southeastern Philippines, Institute of Languages.
Or this familiar statement:
“If there were a God, there would not be so much misery, poverty, and war on earth.”
And finally:
“If the little word ‘if’ did not exist, how could we continue making our unnecessary excuses?”
Perhaps you still remember Elton John’s 1976 song: “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word.”
That depends.
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Email: doringklaus@gmail.com or follow me on Facebook, Linkedin or X – Twitter or visit www.germanexpatinthephilippines.blogspot.com or www.klausdoringsclassicalmusc.blogspot.com./PN
