[av_one_full first min_height=” vertical_alignment=” space=” custom_margin=” margin=’0px’ padding=’0px’ border=” border_color=” radius=’0px’ background_color=” src=” background_position=’top left’ background_repeat=’no-repeat’ animation=”]
[av_heading tag=’h3′ padding=’10’ heading=’RAMBLINGS OF THE UNMARRIED ‘ color=” style=’blockquote modern-quote’ custom_font=” size=” subheading_active=’subheading_below’ subheading_size=’15’ custom_class=”]
BY GORDON Q. GUILLERGAN
[/av_heading]
[av_textblock size=” font_color=’custom’ color=’#0c0c0c’]
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
[/av_textblock]
[av_textblock size=” font_color=” color=”]
Shhhh…
“I’ve begun to realize that you can listen to silence and learn from it. It has a quality and a dimension all its own.” ― Chaim Potok, The Chosen
THERE are days when I would sit and think how it has become quite a common in Filipino marriages that the husband and wife would be screaming their lungs out at each other and causing emotional distress to each other.
But there is another form of psychological distress in absence of aggression – silence.
“Psychological violence” refers to acts or omissions causing or likely to cause mental or emotional suffering to the victim such as (but not limited to) intimidation, harassment, stalking, damage to property, public ridicule or humiliation, repeated verbal abuse and mental infidelity. (a) C. Sec. 3, RA 9262.
The aforementioned is the definition of “psychological violence” under Republic Act 9262 (Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004), but under the definition, the silent treatment or passive-aggressive form of psychological distress is not included.
I take the silent treatment as a form of mental infidelity. The refusal to communicate what you have conceptualized in your mind is a form of infidelity and dishonesty, the way I see it.
Our law may not plainly provide for all things but certain matters are inferred in the same. I am not a legal expert but personally my take is that a “silent treatment” that causes emotional or psychological distress and renders the marriage unbearable – and the gravity of the silence stirring paranoia – is a form of psychological abuse.
Sometimes, I would rather go into a verbal confrontation with the person I am in a relationship with than be silent. Because when you verbalize things, you talk. I don’t know if it’s just me but I get so irked by a person’s silence. It is quite scary and irritating all at the same time.
In a relationship, when you are both silent you wouldn’t know what the problem is and what to do to correct it. Silence will drift you far apart even more.
As I grew older, however, I realize silence has its value, too. Sometimes silence is needed in a relationship. Even more in marriages. The ultimate rule my mother told me is wait for the anger to settle before you confront the situation. But this may not work with “silent people.” There may be a need to provoke them to speak up.
Silence sometimes saves you from aggravating or escalating the problem. It saves you from misinterpreted explanations that could branch out to another problem. So being silent sometimes does help. It gives you or allows you to have clarity.
Silence allows you to have a less stressful approach to a problem and gives you a certain peace.
In relationships where verbal confrontations are often a way to deal with problems, it may be okay to find the silence you both deserve./PN
[/av_textblock]
[/av_one_full]
