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[av_heading heading=’MY LIFE AS ART ‘ tag=’h3′ style=’blockquote modern-quote’ size=’30’ subheading_active=’subheading_below’ subheading_size=’15’ padding=’10’ color=” custom_font=” av-medium-font-size-title=” av-small-font-size-title=” av-mini-font-size-title=” av-medium-font-size=” av-small-font-size=” av-mini-font-size=” admin_preview_bg=”]
BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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Wednesday, November 8, 2017
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- TRANNIES AND THE BEASTS
As the sun shines on both the good and the bad, so does a profit-oriented tourism festival attract a whole spectrum of colorful characters.
*
The streets were not so crowded now, but for drunks who had passed out in the dark alleys and sidewalks.
Most of the people walking about were still in standard issue costumes of the festival: the bakunawa, the shrimp and lobsters, the faux pregnant look, the frilly brown dresses, the all-white number.
A group of five bald men in white shirts had claimed part of a street with benches and stools, talking boisterously as they drank bottle after bottle of cheap beer.
*
Matt sat in one corner, strumming his guitar, humming Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring.”
Then, out of the blue, he turned and saw a red shrimp costume lying on the sidewalk.
He tried to ignore it.
*
Three loud transvestites passed by the group of five bald men, their costumes more fantastic than most.
The biggest of the three was wearing a black gown with purple accents, just like Ursula, the sea witch, in Disney’s The Little Mermaid, her costume a complete copycat down to a scepter, a tiara, and faux tentacles. She was a little drunk.
The most shapely of the three was dressed like Cleopatra in a black shiny Princess of the Nile gown accented with gold stripes. So Elizabeth Taylor!
The other, complete with white powdered face, an elaborate hairdo, stylized silky red kimono, was supposed to be a geisha. Trying to be Mineko Iwasaki, the most famous geisha in the world.
*
As the trannies passed the hairless quintet, the stockiest of the five catcalled.
Hello, boys, the Ursula impersonator shot back. True beauty comes out at midnight, don’t you agree? she asked provocatively.
The mustachioed bald man said, Oh, yeah. And the monsters, too!
The baldies laughed at this.
Not losing a beat, the Japanese geisha retorted, Of course. You are most correct. To illustrate the point, she pointed at herself and her companions, Beauties…, and pointing at the bald men, …and the beasts!
The transvestites laughed out loud.
*
Ursula patted the geisha’s back, Right on, Puki-san!
Hearing the name, the third baldy, a hunky man, interjected, Puki-san? What a pungent name!
The bald men laughed like banshees.
The geisha replied, Well, it means beautiful in Japanese. What do you know about Nihon-go? Have you been to Japan like me?
The bald men sniggered nervously.
*
Ursula exploited the baldies’ vulnerability, See, you don’t have much to say now. Please don’t make fun of strangers. For all you know, they are more educated than you.
The moustachioed baldy got defensive, Shut up. You are nothing but faggots.
With obvious sarcasm, Mineko Iwasaki asked, And what’s your point?
Look, we may be faggots, all right. But I’m pretty sure we pay our taxes more than you do, and make no mistake about it, we give your stinky little island good business in the summer.
Piqued, moustachioed baldy snapped back, You can all go back where you came from. Get off our island!
*
Still in a calm tone, geisha girl answered him, That’s not a very good way to treat your tourists, is it?
Baldy only got angrier, Shut up, faggots!
Cleopatra intervened, Boys, boys, boys. Come on, gentlemen. She addressed the Mr. Clean Quintet, We are just here to have fun tonight.
To Ursula and geisha, she said, Now, girls. Who needs this? The night needs us. I say, let us just leave ever so peacefully, okay?
*
The hunky bald man nodded his head, Yes, I think it is better that you all leave.
Ursula was about to rebut, but Cleopatra stopped her, Ursie! she said sternly under her breath, I think we had better go. We don’t want any trouble tonight.
Then, to the bald men she gave a Miss Universe smile and a QE2 wave, Good night, boys! Nice meeting you.
*
The transvestites continued on their way.
Ursula was too drunk to notice the red costume on the sidewalk.
Matt saw the costume move, then, saw that within the costume, almost totally hidden by it, was a baby!
*
Girl, Ursula asked the geisha, does ‘puki’ really mean beautiful in Japanese?
Of course not. But I had to think of something smart. And heavens, I’ve never really gone to Japan!
(She was a victim of illegal recruiters feeding on clueless Filipino dreamers who only want to work for a better pay abroad.)
Oh, you are so smart, said Ursula. So pokemon!
*
They laughed so hard that they did not notice the baby in the costume on their path.
Ursula, lumbering in drunkenness, was about to trample the baby with her big legs.
In a flash, Matt raced to pull the baby from the path of the three colorful fairies. He caught it just in time.
The baby started to cry. (To be continued/PN)
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