A PSN Lenten retreat, Part 1

BECAUSE I am usually perceived as a smart intellectual, most people irresponsibly neglect the fact that I am also a very spiritual person.

Some people even think that I am an atheist.

Simply because some of my practical philosophies seemingly contradict the ways of popular religion.

But it is just that.

In my heart, I believe, and I feel, that I am better than the errant ways of popular religion.

Like, I am someone who can directly discern what God wants for me.

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So yeah, let’s start with that.

I believe in God.

I have a direct connection with the Divine that I cannot be quizzed by these zealots of the Bible and religion, who think that I’ve lost God like I lost my keys.

I really have no patience for these religious idiots who ask people on the streets, “Have you found God yet?”

Because I feel that God is not someone we find.

God finds us.

In God’s sweet time!

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Apparently, I do not like to find the missing God these zealots are peddling.

Because God has already found me.

Loved me.

Accepted me.

Instructed me to say, “F*ck you!” to these self-righteous religious fanatics who think that only they have a monopoly on God.

That those of us who do not have their kind of God are unfortunately doomed.

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Well, welcome to my God.

A God who celebrates my own sinfulness.

My own humility and contrition.

Who helps me become a better person rather than punishes me with damnation here and now.

Or tortures me with threats of Hell for when I die.

Welcome to a God who will walk in Hell with me, in the very slim chance that I ever find myself in there.

*

I am confident, of course, that my God will not allow me a minute in Hell.

Because I also believe that God perfectly did it well already—descended into Hell, and rose again from the dead—once and for all.

I am a Roman Catholic.

Make no mistake about that.

And you cannot be more Christian than a Roman Catholic.

So, if Jesus already did the Hell journey to save the whole of humanity, why do you think I still needed to be saved again?

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If the Son of God didn’t save us yet from the clutches of death and Hell, does that mean that we needed to be saved again?

What?

Hello?

What happened?

Did God made a mistake with that one?

Didn’t finish a perfect job?

Well, f*ck that!

That’s not my God.

*

My God is Beautiful.

True.

Perfect.

Pure Good.

Forgiving.

Loving.

Powerful.

Accepting.

My God is Awesome!

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I am in awe of my God.

I love my God.

I adore my God.

I cannot really complain about my God.

I like to be always with my God.

I like to be possessed by my God.

If God wants to do S & M with me, I’d like to have an SMBD relationship with my God.

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You can say that I have a fear of the Lord, timor Domini.

But it’s not like I’m afraid of God.

It’s more like I am in awe of God.

And God’s brilliant perfection.

Like, I’m afraid I can’t be perfect like God.

Like, I’ll melt in God’s presence if I’m not perfect enough.

And it’s a fear that will probably make me bite my tongue instead of saying “F*ck you” in God’s holy presence.

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It’s also like a fear that I will offend God.

That God will be so repulsed by my wicked ways that God will turn away from me, and leave me.

Like, it’s a fear of losing God.

Of losing something perfect that has been mine.

So yeah, I have a fear of the Lord in the sense that I am in love with God, and I do not want to lose God.

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Fortunately for me, I also know that no religion can scare me into believing that God will ever abandon me.

Why would God abandon me?

I love God.

I mean, I may sometimes act crazy, and commit sins, and behave as if God is not watching me.

But deep in my heart, I acknowledge God, and I am in awe of God, and I have a fear that I will lose God.

And still, I believe that God will find me.

Because God is awesome.

But to live perfect and happy while on earth, I have to entertain a certain fear that God will turn away from me if I get comfortable in my evil ways.

That’s why I try to be good.

That’s why I try to be the best Peter Solis Nery. (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)