Had Noah been Pinoy

I GOT THIS from my e-group. The original text was in Tagalog so here’s my best English translation:

The year was 2016 and Noah was just an ordinary working class Filipino when The Almighty appeared to him in a dream. “After one year, heavy rains will fall on the Philippines and the country will be flooded. I want you to build a large boat and put inside different pairs of animals and Filipino couples from each of the 7,100 islands,” God said.

Noah was given the specs of the boat and he gladly accepted the task to save and preserve the Filipino race from the coming deluge.

Year 2017 and God appeared to him again but was angry because work has not started yet. “What happened to the boat that I asked you to build?” God asked. “I’m very sorry, dear God, but problems had been blocking our plans,” Noah replied and enumerated everything that prevented him from starting the construction.

He secured a mayor’s permit but he will be given one only if the construction company of his wife’s brother will build the boat. Noah went to the congressman for help but the latter insisted on a 25-percent commission. He finally assembled a building crew but they formed a labor union and went on strike.

When radical and left-leaning groups heard of Noah’s plan, they held a rally in front of his house because of unfair and unjust selection of people and animals allowed to board. God specifically said that only those who believe in Him will be allowed on the boat. Then the LGBT joined the rally because of the bias toward married couples. The civil society came in as they learned that the funds for building the boat came from the gambling and drug lords.

Then the House of Representatives and the Senate called an inquiry “in aid of legislation.” Noah tried to invoke EO 464 to avoid it but because he was not a government official, he was forced to testify. When the “honorables” learned that it was God who ordered for the boat to be built, they declared it unconstitutional, saying it did not honor the separation of the Church and the State.

The PNP and the NBI came in and said they have reliable information that the boat will be used by detained drug lords for their escape. Then the AFP and the DOJ said the Magdalo group was behind all these in their planned coup against the President.

Seeing no other remedy, Noah was forced to see the executive secretary to have an audience with the President, who promptly gave his approval to the construction on the condition that the undersecretary of communications be allowed to board and let her do regular broadcast updates.

Because Noah did not agree to the conditions, there was a TRO for the boat’s construction.  It was estimated that it will take another 10 years to finish God’s project.

In exasperation and disbelief, God said to Noah, “I don’t have to destroy your country. You are doing a much better job than me.”/PN

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