BY EDISON MARTE SICAD
“The greatest fear in the world is the opinion of others.” -Osho-
WE ARE all teachers: influencers sans self-declaration. In the same manner, we are also learners: influenced by the interplay of innumerable factors. In these dual-communal roles, we are participants to what I call, in a simplistic manner, the cycle of learning.
The mystic Osho would say that “The greatest fear in the world is the opinion of others.” As to why we get scared or “conscious” of what other people will say about us is quite interesting, if not amusing. But upon thinking more about it, I realized that it is of no trivial matter. With what is happening or trending around us and within us, I learned that “The greatest weapon in the world is our opinion of others”. Learning then, as a cycle, can be virtuous or vicious. Our words can build or destroy. And somehow, this is how we learn about and earn our reputation. And sometimes, it is with our families and friends where we learn how words can hurt, how words can heal. With opinion, our words become our wands.
OF FAMILY
(Learning as a Legacy)
Question: What is, ultimately, the best evidence of what a person learned about life?
Answer: A person’s Last Will and Testament.
By hasty generalization, I will argue that each and everyone’s family life is a teleserye. Your “happenings” is the chichirya of Marites: for public consumption─enjoyable but also harmful. Also, Marites is the embodiment of one of my favorite words: schadenfreude, meaning, you enjoy the misery of others. In other words, your enemy’s misfortune is your blessing in disguise─ sort of an answered prayer (And why not? Thank you, Lord. Finally!).
But seriously, I mentioned about the Last Will and Testament to provoke a sentiment. Because the family can actually─in this case, legally─be divisive as well as unitive.
The sentiment is of no trivial matter for it is in the home where we learn the value of values: of innovations and traditions, of love and forgiveness, of cooperation and independence, and ultimately, of life and death. But somehow, we also get to learn about betrayal and conceit, materialism and hedonism, confusion and discouragement, and ultimately, of loss and grief.
There are times when going to work becomes difficult because of problems at home. But then I realized that I have to be strong for my students. For students may also have family problems and the school is the only, if not the best, place to be at. With this, I am hoping that (in my class) the cycle of learning turns for the good. For ultimately, if there is one thing that I want my students to learn, it is this: That their teachers are here to help them so that in the future, they will be able to help their own selves and be of help to their loved ones. Thus, our presence signifies the significance of others.
OF FRIENDS
(Learning as Companionship)
I am a social isolate: the intimate conversations of my life are with books; I seldom engage in chit-chat; I would rather talk more about ideas than people. An introvert, they would say. Or “suplado”. Fair enough.
There was a time when I went home immediately after a meeting. My college friends felt deserted. And no matter how I justified my behavior, I was the Indifferent Ed. In Hiligaynon-English, “Daw sa others”. Maybe they were correct─for I felt the sincerity of their concern─for outside of work, we must also be together as friends. Then a question, “Is it possible to delineate personal goals from social responsibilities”?
And another: “To what extent am I responsible for my friends’ happiness?”
For me, the Introvert/Extrovert Personality is not just about socialization and isolation: it is our chosen path towards self-fulfillment. I graduated in high school with no medals. But for college, the cycle of learning must turn (and did turn─with a twist) for the better. And so, I wrote down my goals; I created a Daily Recitation Chart; I monitored how many answers (and questions) I had for that day; the library became my sacred ground and the books my “anting-anting.” I needed to maintain a grade average for the entire four years while being active in debate, student council, and theater. Somehow, miracles do happen.
I remembered telling a friend that at the end of the semester, my name would be in the bulletin board: a Dean’s Lister. He did not believe me. “You were never in the Honor Roll when we were in High School.” I just smiled. For only I can see my name in the Dean’s List then. But when the grades were released, my friend, in front of the bulletin board, stood in disbelief, and believed.
Sometimes, no one can really see our goals the way we see them. Our friends, and even our families, may not support us not because of apathy but because they are just not capable of seeing the goals─the future we are building at the present─that we are aiming at.
My teacher, and mentor, once told me about Plato’s Forms of Ideas─which I completely misunderstood─and thus gave me the belief that I can turn an idea into reality. This conviction then, a form of self-esteem, became my companion. But this is no panacea. I have my own idiosyncrasies; I get into patterns of self-destruction; would revel in my methods of madness; and as defined by an ex: a cold and heartless man (But this is another story).
IN CLOSING, having an opinion is not about being judgmental. It is our response as to how we perceive which determines as to how we respond with the interactions in our environment. And we all have a thing or two to say. And we do have the power to help or hurt others. Our words can destroy someone else’s future or guide someone else’s destiny. As the song goes, “We’re all in this together.” We all learn and teach in ways we cannot fully comprehend. We make the cycle of learning turn for the better or worse.
Last question (paraphrasing Jordan Peterson): “Wouldn’t it be better if we see ourselves not only as to who we are but, more importantly, as to who we could become?”/PN
