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BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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I BELIEVE in Christmas. I believe in God’s love incarnating as Jesus Christ. I believe God loves humanity so much that the Son of God shared our humanity. I believe Christmas is about loving, sharing, giving, forgiving, and incarnating the abstraction we call Love and/or God.
I believe in becoming the new Christ, the other Christ — altus Christus. I believe in becoming God’s helping hand, God’s loving hand, generous hand, serving hand caring for other people. I believe I should be better than most; so I serve, I give, I forgive.
I haven’t been churchy in the last 10 years or so. In the US, I go to church when I can, when I have the energy to do so, when my family “invites” me to come along. Mostly, I do it as an example for my nephews and nieces; although, when I am already in church, everything becomes real to me, and my intentions are purified.
This year, I have decided to commit myself to the whole novena of the misa de gallo. At least, it’s one of the reasons why I am spending Christmas 2016 in the Philippines.
Things are not perfect in the church. I am still critical of certain things like lectors fumbling with what’s supposed to be familiar Bible passages, or my pet peeve — the daily second collection, and even a third collection (!) last Sunday. But I do not let those come in the way of my true worship, and genuine experience of God in the liturgies.
My churchgoing may not be very many these past few years, but all of them always transform me, humble me, make me more Christ-like. In fact, during the public confession of sins, I really cannot say that I have sinned much in thought, in words, and in deeds.
No, I’m not trying to sound holy; and I am aware of the sin called pride; but I just do not see myself as a sinful person now. And believe me, the rituals and prayers in the Roman Catholic religion, if you take it to heart like I do, can really make you feel like crap, like you are the worst sinner in the world. Except in my case, where I really feel that I am at peace with God and the world, at last.
Take the words, “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sinned against us.” I totally dig that. I know God loves me, and has forgiven me of all my trespasses because I, myself, forgive so easily. I do not bear grudges.
Of course, I fight back. Of course, I lash out at my critics and haters. Of course, I deal with the injustices done to me and my family, and my friends; and I probably maim some people, or deflate their egos, along the way, but I do not invest time and energy holding grudges.
What of loved ones who hurt me ignorantly? I simply detox them from my life! I extricate myself from them.
So what if I am distant with certain relatives? So what if I’m totally ignoring certain friends at the moment? So what if I am not chummy with everyone right now? I do not wish them ill. I just don’t want them to ruin my life. I am not angry with them. I forgive them. We are just not on the same page at the moment, and that’s okay by me.
If God wants me to be friends with everyone, God will have to make it happen. I cannot force the Holy Spirit when to transform them who hate and envy me. I cannot force the Holy Spirit to possess me. I believe in Advent, in patiently waiting for the revelation of the Christ in me. I believe in God’s own sweet time. Who am I to hurry God to do exactly the brand of peace that I want?
Right now, I am happy and content. Where before I have so many things listed and asked as my “daily bread,” I really can ask for nothing more right now. I have no petitions for myself, no requests for “personal intentions.” I pray for world peace, and for the alleviation of poverty all over the world. But if God doesn’t want that to happen at the moment, I do not stress myself. I do my share, and that’s it. I try to make peace with the people who are willing to make peace with me; and I share what little I have to those who have less.
I am a Christmas person. I believe that I am called to be a gift to the people that God sends to me. I am generous and kindhearted, but I prefer to give on my own rather than to be asked. If you are asking me for donations, most likely, you don’t really need my help. You are just asking me because you heard that I’m rich. Well, I have my own chosen charities.
But it is as I said, I want to be God’s gift to humanity. And the thing is, I believe that I should live out Christmas everyday. I want to be remembered as someone who is a blessing to everyone I meet.
I am not bothered that I have a bitchy persona on the page, especially in my columns. I don’t want to apologize for that. It’s what made me so famous, and popular; and in a way, powerful. But I know that’s not the real me. So, why do I do it? Because that’s what you want to read. You want me to have balls for you. You want me to be good when I am wicked.
Imagine me writing in the goodie-goodie two-shoes mode. Imagine me talking like all the other writers, shying away from profanities and taboo subjects. Imagine me writing about “safe” and “decent” things you already now, and things you, too, can easily articulate. Imagine me boring you to death. Well, it’s not happening.
No, I would rather be the premiere agent provocateur, l’enfant terrible, the avant garde writer that I am. I would rather be the wicked, brash, brazen, brilliant, egotistical writer that you love to hate. I would rather be the image of “the less fortunate” than you are. Because I believe that you should exercise your Christian goodness. I believe that you should forgive me, and have pity on me, and pray for my soul.
I believe that you should be God’s loving arm to embrace me, and forgive me for all my trespasses. I am giving you a chance to be greater than you are. To be truly the new Christ. Now, have yourself a merry little Christmas!/PN
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