NO FILTER

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BY RHICK VLADIMIR ALBAY
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Tuesday, February 21, 2017
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FILMMAKING is a profession that requires a certain amount of insanity. Any act that requires you to create your own world is bound to bring up your crazy side.

Here, we attempt to diagnose the probable mental illnesses of some of the world’s best contemporary filmmakers, all the while trying to convince you to give in to the madness of their worlds.

 

QUENTIN TARANTINO

The Diagnosis:

You’ll like his films if: You have a twisted sense of humor, a liking for action-packed films, and a stomach for crazy crazy violence

What to expect: Blood being shed like sweat and body counts soaring sky-high. Storylines that take you on a joyride, giving little to no indication of where it’s going to take you. Also, brace yourself for the liberal use of cuss words.

Cast of characters: Color-coded mobsters, dancing hitmen, a vengeful bride, anti-Nazi rebels, and buckets upon buckets of fake blood

Signature moves: It would take a day to enumerate them all, Tarantino being the madman that he is. Just for starters: hood shots, crisp white suits, feet obsessions, imaginary products the Big Kahuna Burger and Red Apple Cigarettes, and cameo appearances from the director himself

First does: Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, the Kill Bill Volumes

 

WONG KAR WAI

The Diagnosis:

You’ll like his films if: You’re a romantic, not the chick flicks and Taylor Swift kind, but the sentimental and nostalgic memorize-whole-poems type of person

What to expect: Well-crafted stories of love gained and lost, following beautifully rendered characters overflowing with emotional depth. An exercise in reading subtitles quickly.

Cast of characters: Lovesick policemen, a blonde-wigged woman drug dealer, a world-weary writer, motel rooms with their own personality, expired pineapples and crying tissues

Signature moves: Shutter shots and deep atmospheric color palettes. Wong also has a knack of associating different songs to each of his characters, like California Dreamin’ for Chungking Express’ Faye, and Siboney by Connie Francis for Bai Ling in 2046

First dose: Chungking Express and In the Mood for Love

 

WES ANDERSON

The Diagnosis:

You’ll like his films if: You’re an odd, socially awkward, and borderline insane individual, probably with deep-seeded emotional issues

What to expect: Films with all the elements necessary for a family drama turned into comedies that lean towards the quirky and absurd. The heavy use of 1960s British Rock Music as musical score, calling all Rolling Stones and Beatles fans.

Cast of characters: Dysfunctional families, absentee fathers, quarrelling siblings, an eccentric oceanographer, eloping 10-year-olds, outcast child prodigies, and a jaguar shark

Signature moves: Slow-motion shots set to music, plays and theatre curtains, Tape recorders, vinyl records, and other vintage paraphernalia, daddy issues, Owen Wilson and Bill Murray (seriously, these guys are practically in every Wes Anderson film)

First dose: the Royal Tenenbaums and Moonrise Kingdom

 

DARREN ARONOFSKY

The Diagnosis:

You’ll like his films if: you enjoy dramas that slowly turn into psychological horror films, or if you’re a sicko who enjoys watching the downward spiral unstable individuals

What to expect: A graphic exploration of the limits of the human sanity, in other words: watch people go bonkers

Cast of characters: Heroin Junkie Friends, a Retiring Wrestler, an Obsessive Math Genuis, a Hallucinating Ballerina, and an Old Lady addicted to Gameshows and Slimming Pills

Signature moves: Accelerated montages and Rapid-fire sequences that may trigger seizures and convulsions. Themes of desperation, physical pain, and pent-up frustrations.

First dose: Requiem for a Dream, the Wrestler, and Black Swan

 

LARS VON TIER

The Diagnosis:

You’ll like his films if: You’re a masochistic maniac that likes a nice hard punch in the gut every once in a while, or if you’re a dedicated film buff very open to new cinematic experiences that leave lasting impressions

What to expect: The emotional equivalent of letting someone gradually pile stones on your chest to the point where breathing becomes difficult, films that you’ll love and recommend to your friends but ultimately will bear to watch only once in your lifetime, never wanting to see them again. Prepare to be psychologically scarred.

Cast of characters: A nearly-blind singing factory worker, a social experiment, dancing corpses, unhappy newly-weds, and a meteor the size of the moon

Signature moves: Breaking down his audience to rubble then delivering a fatal final blow (Yes, that’s Von Tier’s trademark, deal with it)

First dose: Dancer in the Dark and Melancholia

I hope to write a version of this with Filipino filmmakers soon./PN

 

 

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