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BY GORDON Q. GUILLERGAN
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Something only we know
“I look at you while you look at me…and the world disappears and there is just you and me. Something about our private glances makes me love you more.”
WE LIVE in world of social media frenzy. If you still haven’t heard of Facebook, I suggest you get out of the rock you are hiding under and start exploring the big worldwide web.
If you are on social media I am sure you have noticed how people document what they do – the bath soap they use, the details of their utensils for lunch, the 4D look of their meal at fancy restaurants, and the socks they’re wearing, etc. #Overwhelming.
What many fail to understand is that this overwhelming public display could, to certain degree, cause personal destruction more than distraction. One common problem today is the public display of personal marital matters. I believe this should be a non-social media matter.
In an article, Scott Williams noted a recent study conduct by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers . It showed that one-third of divorce in the United States included the word “Facebook” in their petition.
He wrote: “Facebook is mentioned in one-third of divorce filings. Yes, a lot of those filing papers make reference to an online relationship. Some husbands or wives have even declared their intention to breakup through Facebook, e-mail, or Instagram. But a great number of the divorce papers use Facebook messages or wall posts to make a case for divorce by pointing out a spouse’s uncivil behavior or poor parenting skills.”
Further, he noted four ways by which you avoid being a social media marriage casualty.
Keep everything in the open.
The person who needs to know it first would be your spouse. Trust me. It tends to be bordering on disrespectful if your wife finds out from a not so close friend from the office that you posted a pic of the diaper and is a little irked about the idea of changing Jr.’s “daily delivery.”
Make sure that before you let the world knows, your spouse knows exactly what and how you feel, just in case the need for them to defend you outside social media would be easier rather than people having judgments about your relationship just because your spouse don’t have any idea.
Say what you need to say … and say it to the right person.
In connection with the aforementioned, finding the right person to say your feelings to is important. The need to have the right avenue or having the proper emotional bin is necessary and trust me, social media would not be the perfect place for that.
Marital matters need to be discussed privately without having everybody – acquaintances and friends alike – commenting about it.
Use social media to build each other up.
This I think is a double-edged sword. Sometimes an overwhelming show of love and affection creates a standard of public expectations which may be hard to socially maintain. As we all know, marriage is not a walk in the park; there are bad days and when bad days come everyone would use the perfect image you created socially against you. “Ay te, ‘di man gid gali happy ila marriage” or “Te bi ko may forever man bala?!”
When you’re together, come together.
I remember a friend who, for some reason, always gets annoyed when everyone takes out their phone when dining out. I feel him. I find it quite rude but more than that, it’s the absence of presence. By that, I mean being there being in the moment.
Sometimes spouses are engrossed on social media that they tend to miss out the joy of personal conversations. No emojis or emoticons can beat real facial expressions and the dramatics of real conversation.
“Facebooking” milestones could be fun but remember, nothing tops a good private talk over coffee or snuggle in bed without the world knowing about it. There is sweet romance in secrets. Something only you and I both know./PN
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