JEFFRY, my inquisitive nephew, asked me, “Uncle, how should I know who among my friends are true friends?”
I initially thought of quoting quotable quotes like “A friend in need is a friend indeed” and “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are.”
“True friends,” I said, in my mind disagreeing with those two quotes, “are hard to find. If somebody relishes your presence only because you are useful to him, he’s not a true friend.”
I had in mind a classmate in college, now belonging to high society, who no longer finds me worth his attention. I don’t mind. So what? That does not really make him a more superior individual in the long run. Everybody begins and ends in a common journey – from womb to tomb. What’s in between does not count in the end.
My nephew seconded, “I think our politicians are like that. They convert friends into foes and foes into enemies, whichever is favorable to them at present.”
“Yes. There are no permanent friends. Even we in the media are vulnerable to political acrobatics.”
In saying those words, I remembered an incident involving a municipal mayor and a radio anchorman. The mayor, guesting on the broadcaster’s program, lambasted another politician for “graft and corruption” despite his knowledge that the object of his hatred was also a friend of the broadcaster.
Alas, as a result, the broadcaster lost the friendship of the lambasted politician.
My nephew told me about what he had learned in the grade school: the classic friendship between Damon and Pythias in the 4th century BC. They lived in Syracuse, Sicily, a city then under the rule of Dionysius the Younger. Condemned to death for plotting against Dionysius, Pythias asked permission to go home to his family for the last time. Dionysius consented on condition that Damon remained as a hostage. Pythias did not show up on schedule, thus giving the king no choice but to execute Damon. Fortunately, Pythias arrived just as Damon was about to die in his place. Dionysius was so impressed by this example of fidelity that he pardoned Pythias.
I could only say amen to that. We all know of present-day friendships that pass the test of time simply because we human beings are inherently social animals who experience joy in social attachments. Whenever we meet a “friendly” individual, we never think it’s only because he needs us for selfish reasons. So we reciprocate the friendship. There is no guarantee, however, that this new friendship would preserve itself for life.
A case in point unfolded recently when an old “friend” and kumpare punched me on the face in a coffee shop for no apparent reason, leaving me bruised by the nose pad of my eyeglasses. He got away with that. But when word about the treachery reached concerned friends in the print and broadcast media, they took turns interviewing me while the “frustrated boxer” was hiding from the police.
I told my nephew to learn a lesson from that experience of mine because there are really people who become suspicious, possibly jealous. Good riddance. There are always new and interesting people to replace them with.
“Friendship is reciprocal,” I reminded my nephew. I asked him to be happy when his friends are happy, cherish their accomplishments as if they were his, and always look for friends of good moral character.
“Good moral character?” my 17-year-old nephew joked. “Then you could not be my friend, Uncle.” (hvego31@gmail.com/PN)
