MANY PEOPLE believe that misgendering simply means using the wrong pronoun. In reality, it is much broader than that. Misgendering happens whenever a person is referred to or addressed in a way that does not reflect their gender identity. It may involve pronouns, titles such as “sir” or “ma’am,” names, or other gendered forms of address.
Imagine calling a transgender woman “sir” or referring to a transgender man as “she.” Consider introducing someone using a name they no longer identify with, even after they have shared the name they now use. These are all examples of misgendering. While they may seem like small slips of the tongue to some people, they can have a significant impact on those who experience them.
Misgendering can happen almost anywhere. It may occur during casual conversations with friends, while buying food at a restaurant, while transacting in a government office, during a medical consultation, at the workplace, or even on social media. Sometimes it happens because people make assumptions based on appearance, voice, or mannerisms. At other times, it happens because official records have not yet been updated or because someone is unfamiliar with the diversity of gender identities. In many cases, there is no intention to offend. Nevertheless, the experience can still be hurtful.
It is important to distinguish between an honest mistake and a deliberate act. Not every instance of misgendering is intentional. Many people are still learning about gender identity and may not immediately know the appropriate way to address someone. When corrected, most people simply apologize, use the correct name or pronouns, and move on. That willingness to learn reflects respect and humility.
The situation changes, however, when a person continues to use the wrong name, pronouns, or titles after being informed of the correct ones. At that point, misgendering is no longer just a misunderstanding. It can become a form of disrespect that communicates, intentionally or not, that another person’s identity is not worthy of recognition. For many transgender and gender-diverse individuals, repeated misgendering can lead to feelings of embarrassment, frustration, anxiety, and social exclusion.
Some readers may wonder, “Why does a single word matter so much?” The answer lies in the power of language itself. Words do more than help us communicate. They express respect, acknowledge identity, and shape the way we relate to one another. A person’s name, title, or pronouns are not merely labels. They are part of how that individual wishes to be recognized in society.
Think about your own experiences. Most of us appreciate it when people pronounce our names correctly. We notice when someone addresses us respectfully or remembers the title we have earned. We also recognize when someone repeatedly calls us by the wrong name. Even if the mistake is unintentional, it can feel uncomfortable. The same principle applies to gender. Being addressed in a way that reflects who we are is a simple yet meaningful expression of respect.
As a language teacher, I have come to appreciate that communication is not only about grammar or vocabulary. It is also about the relationships we build through language. The words we choose can make people feel welcomed or excluded, affirmed or ignored. This is why understanding misgendering is not merely about learning new terminology. It is about becoming more thoughtful in the way we communicate with others.
The good news is that showing respect does not require perfection. It requires openness. If we make a mistake, we can apologize without making excuses, use the correct form of address, and continue the conversation. If we are unsure, we can politely ask how a person prefers to be addressed. Most people appreciate sincere efforts to treat them with dignity.
As conversations about gender continue to evolve, so should our understanding of the language we use. We may not always have all the answers, but we can always choose to communicate with kindness, humility, and respect. After all, respect often begins with something as simple as choosing the right word. Sometimes, that single word is enough to let another person know that they are seen, valued, and that they truly belong./PN
