THERE is no other way to see,
and say, it.
I actually like writing for the newspapers.
I really love writing for my readers.
And I can’t wait for the New Year 2020 to begin.
If only to say, “I have been writing for the Ilonggo newspapers for 20 years
since 2000.”
I mean, that’s just kind of monumental.
*
And to close 2019, maybe I should say a word about Constancy and Consistency.
Love is not constant in my life.
After I became a widower, I’ve been falling in, and falling out, of love.
Not in a big way, really.
Because often, nothing really progresses after a first date.
It’s like I have been having 500 first dates all this
time.
*
But what I’m consistent with is my loving.
I’m always in love.
Not in a rebound sense.
But you be the judge of that.
I fall in love.
I pursue the love interest.
But at 50, I realize that one pair of eyes is just like another.
*
I date a guy.
The guy wants me.
But only for a night.
It doesn’t mean something is wrong with me.
It doesn’t mean that I’m not desirable.
Some people just want an experience with greatness.
Sometimes, I just feel that I over react to the kindness and attention given to
me.
*
And so it happens that after a night, I can see clearly that the guy isn’t for
me.
He cannot be my constant.
I cannot be a constant to him.
But to say I didn’t love him enough would be wrong.
Because what is consistent about me is my loving.
*
Okay, maybe we should redefine my love.
My love involves desire.Lust.Affection.Romance.A general liking.
I love most people.
I am easy that way.
I fall in love so easily.
*
But just because I fall in love doesn’t mean I’ll slit my wrists if my
affection, and intentions, are not returned.
That’s not love.
That’s stupidity.
This is also consistent of me: I love those who love me.
*
I can love those who don’t love me, but only for a time.
I’ll pursue the stubborn, ignorant object of my affection.
But only until I find someone better to pursue.
At 50, I am okay to be the one to pursue.
I am shameless about that.
Of course, it can sound creepy.
Especially if I’m pursuing a 19 year old.
*
But that’s how it is.
I like love to burn out.
So, if a 19 year old just wants to sleep with me, do you think I’ll turn him
down?
I want my love to burn.
If my desire doesn’t survive the night, whose fault is it?
*
This is a crazy time we live in.
Facebook Messenger chat is amazing in connecting people—old friends,
acquaintances, strangers.
I’d be stupid not to use social media to find a love interest.
I don’t believe in knights in shining armor coming for me.
I’m not a damsel in distress.
I’m not waiting for anyone.
I’m an empowered individual.
I’m strong enough to find me my own Prince Charming.
*
And so it happens that I chat up these possibilities.
And they keep me consistently in love.
Desiring.Hoping.Dreaming.Feeling alive.Feeling young.
*
They are hardly a constant.
They come.They go.
I don’t cry over them.I don’t slit my wrists if they stop chatting me up.
*
If I haven’t truly burnt out my love for them, I shoot them messages every now
and then.
If they pick up on that, good.
If not, I’m already moving forward.
Constant is good, if you can find it.
But consistent is more like me.
*
I write for Panay News twice a week—Mondays and Wednesdays.
I always write two articles every week.
That part is consistent.
*
Does my column come out constantly on Mondays and Wednesdays?
Maybe not.Some days, my article comes out on a different date.
So you can fault my constancy, but not my consistency.
And in this life, maybe consistency should be our ideal more than constancy.
*
Maybe 2020 will be better if we shoot for that ideal—
I promise to always love you, even if I cannot always be there. (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
