Trait two, you’re competent and they feel threatened
The second trait is one that catches people off guard because it sounds backwards. You’re good at your job. You might be thinking, “Wait, I thought toxic people target weak people.”
No. Insecure people don’t attack the incompetent. They attack the competition. They attack people who make them look bad by comparison.
Here’s how this plays out. You nail a presentation. Your manager praises your work in front of the team. You’re getting recognized. And suddenly out of nowhere, a co-worker who’s been friendly up until now starts acting differently.
Maybe they’re suddenly concerned about your workload. Maybe they start making subtle comments to others about how you’re doing too much or trying too hard. Maybe rumors start circulating. This isn’t random. This is strategic. Because when you succeed, their mediocrity becomes visible. And instead of stepping up their own game, they try to tear you down to their level.
Let me give you three red flags that this is happening to you.
First, credit stealing. You present an idea in a meeting and later that day you hear someone else pitching it to management as if it was theirs or they downplay your achievements. You closed a major deal and they respond with, “Yeah, but the client was already interested anyway.”
Second, they suddenly become helpful. This one’s sneaky. They offer to collaborate on your project or support you, but what they’re really doing is inserting themselves into your success so they can take partial credit or undermine you from the inside.
Third, they point out tiny mistakes publicly while ignoring their own failures. You make one small typo in an email and they bring it up in front of everyone, but when they miss a deadline, crickets. They never hold themselves to the same standard they hold you to.
The psychology here is simple. Your competence is a threat to their ego and toxic people will always prioritize protecting their ego over doing good work.
Trait three, you’re emotionally reactive
They get supply from it. The third trait that makes you a target is that you’re emotionally reactive. You visibly get upset. You defend yourself emotionally. You try to fix the relationship when things feel off. And here’s what you need to understand.
Every reaction you give them is [music] fuel. Narcissists and manipulators don’t just want to upset you. They crave your emotional response. It’s like a drug to them. Let me give you an example. A toxic coworker makes a passive-aggressive comment in a meeting.
Something like, “Oh, I’m sure we’ll get this done on time, assuming everyone actually does their part this time.” And they glance at you when they say it.
What do you do? You get flustered. Your face turns red. You immediately jump in to defend yourself. I always meet my deadlines. I don’t know what you’re talking about. And in that moment, they’ve won because they just got the reaction they wanted. They got to watch you squirm. They got entertainment for the day.
Here’s the brutal truth. Normal people want to resolve conflict. Toxic people want to create it. Conflict gives them stimulation. Your emotional distress is engaging to them. It makes them feel powerful.
Let me give you three signs you’re giving them this supply.
First, you cry, argue, or visibly stress after their comments. They can see it on your face, in your body language, in the way your voice changes.
Second, you try to prove yourself or win them over. You think, “If I just show them I’m a good person, they’ll stop. So, you work harder, you’re extra nice, you try to earn their approval, but it doesn’t work because they don’t want resolution. They want drama.
Third, you vent to others about what they did. And here’s [music] the thing, they love this because even if you’re venting to someone else, it means they got to you. It means they’re making your life miserable.
And often the person you’re venting to will report back to them, which gives them even more satisfaction. (To be continued)/PN
