AFTER a little over a million pesos in a Quezon City hospital, my uncle Ted died last Sunday, Oct 24.
Which is to say, Money can’t guarantee your life.
Which is to say, COVID-19 respects no one.
Which is to say, We all die.
***
Uncle Ted died in the evening of Sunday, early Sunday morning in America.
On his last day, I went on a prayer pilgrimage to Christ Cathedral in Crystal City.
There was the Shrine of Our Lady of La Vang.
My friends and I went for a rosary walk.
***
How do you deal with death?
My first experiences of death in the family are of my maternal grandparents: grandmother Soledad first; then grandfather Ireneo.
And then, my father died in 2009.
And then, my husband died in 2014.
And now, my mother’s brother Ted, who we lost to this pandemic.
***
It’s been a while since there was a death in my immediate family.
But I’ve dealt with deaths of friends, and close acquaintances.
Mostly, I process my grief by praying, and writing.
I have written a book about my father’s death—“At My Father’s Wake: 10 Elegies in Three Languages.”
The book about my husband’s death is called “After: Prose Poems.”
***
Life goes on without our loved ones.
And if our departed beloved could tell us, they would say, “Do not cry for me. I want you to be happy.”
But consumed with grief, we always forget this.
And I had to remind my family, who, of course, choose to be stubborn.
So, if they want to cry, I let them cry a river.
***
I always remember the best times with my loved ones.
I always spend the best times with my loved ones.
I tell them I love them while they are alive.
I let them know that I love them.
If I could hug them, I always hug them like it is the last time.
***
I am not very sorry that my uncle died.
I know that I have done the best I could to save him given the circumstances.
I may not be able to shoulder the total cost of his hospital bills, or even the bigger portion of it; but if what people say is true—that money is not the only thing, then, I am feeling good.
I am not feeling guilty about his death.
***
True confession: I had a 16-hour layover in Dallas for my trip from Missoula to Los Angeles.
My plan was to check out the city, and stay in a hotel for a night.
But I have learned of my uncle’s hospitalization due to Covid just a couple of days before.
So I decided to stay (and sleep!) in the airport.
I was thinking the hotel money can be added to my budget to be sent for my uncle’s expenses.
***
While in the Dallas airport, from Grindr, a nice, sexy man wanted to hook up with me.
Would I be interested to check in in a motel with him, just one mile from the airport?
I wanted to.
I was very interested!
But I decided to offer a “sacrifice” for my prayerful intentions.
I decided to give up my carnal wants for something greater.
Like my uncle’s healing.
***
At the airport, I looked for the chapel.
And having found it, got on my knees, and prayed.
I prayed, and prayed.
Silent prayers, wordy prayers, decades and decades of the rosary.
If prayers help the sick, and the praying man, I was praying for my uncle’s healing.
***
There is much confusion around my uncle’s death.
His siblings are close relatives have different faith.
One uncle posted in our Facebook group chat about true prayers being given by God, and that we should not be “repeating words”, or praying “formula prayers.”
And having just said 15 decades of Hail Mary, I was just thinking, “Eff that! I pray any way I like!”
***
There are plenty of medical professionals in the family.
Two doctors, and several nurses including myself were in the group chat.
And I was just thinking, there’s also the Philippine reality and Covid protocols (that seem to kill their patients) to consider.
What could the UK, or US medical practice do to help our patient in a Philippine hospital?
***
And finally, I’m not going to put blame on anyone for my uncle not getting the Covid-19 vaccine.
People know what they have done, and what they believed.
But I will not forget that I campaigned hard for vaccination in my family; and I prayed hard for my uncle’s healing.
If my family will not listen to me, I let them do what they want.
***
And if I did not give my all in helping pay my uncle’s hospital bill, well, just remember, I am not the beneficiary of his life insurance!/PN
