ILOILO City – “If you want to change your situation, start changing your mindset.”
This was the message of a 21-year-old girl, a suicide attempt survivor, to people especially young ones who are currently experiencing mental health problems, especially in the face of a pandemic.
Mika (not her real name) from Capiz, a fourth year college student at a university here, said it was in August 2019 when she had “the great loss” of her life: the suicide of her female best friend.
After her friend’s death, Mika said she became hesitant to open up about her feelings to somebody; she said she had “trust issues”.
“Naging numb ako,” Mika told Panay News.
The World Heal Organization (WHO) considers suicide “a serious public health problem” but preventable with timely, evidence-based interventions. It says every year close to 800,000 people take their own lives and there are many more people who attempt suicide.
It was in September that year in her boarding house when Mika inflicted harm to herself.
“Akon purpose sadto hindi para mapatay kundi para maka-feel sang pain. Hambal ko if makabatyag ko pain at least ma-remind ko akon self nga buhi pa ‘ko gali kay sa nagkalatabo sa ‘kon that time, ‘matyag ko patay na ‘ko,” Mika said.
Her friends went to her boarding house that day to check on her as she was not answering their text messages.
Mika survived that day.
However, before September ended, “nagsulod naman sa akon mind,” she said pertaining to taking her life.
“What I did was mangita ko tani higot. Nag-decide ako makadto sa store,” Mika said.
When she was at the store, Mika said she heard a worship song; it was her “first time” to hear it.
“’Blessings’ ni Laura Story,” Mika said, sharing the lyrics that goes, “What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights are your mercies in disguise…”
“Pagkabati ko sadto, feeling ko si Lord ‘ya ang ga-istorya sa akon. Daw nangluya tuhod ko. Naghibi ‘ko tapos naggwa ‘ko. Wala ‘ko may ginbakal. Pag-abot ko sa boarding house nagluhod ‘ko sa terrace kag maghibi kag tulok sa babaw. Grabe gid akon pangayo sorry kay Lord,” Mika narrated.
September passed and Mika admitted that she was still struggling. But she did not think about attempting suicide anymore.
Mika said her faith in the Lord grew stronger. Her friends helped her heal and recover.
One thing that helped her survive was watching SB19, a five-member Filipino boy band, wherein she drew inspiration based on the group’s own story.
Mika said she’s proud of being a survivor. She also felt more confident than before. She has also learned to love herself more.
“I’m proud of her. Despite of everything na inagyan niya nga sia lang isa, proud ko kay na- overcome niya. Na naging strong sia… May na-learn sia sa mga inagyan niya,” Mika said, talking about herself.
“I wouldn’t be this strong and brave now without the scars of my past,” she stressed.
Mika also has a message to everyone especially the young ones who are struggling in life: “Follow your heart and follow what makes you happy. Pray gid always kay Lord. Always remember na the more persecutions you have, the greater the blessings. Stay strong and pray. God is preparing you for something big. Use those struggles and trials as your ladder to success. Healing is not easy. It may take a while but always trust God’s process.”
When tired, Mika said “rest but never give up.”
“Always remember na in every padayon there should also be pahuway,” she added./PN
