Grief, Anger, and Love in After:
Peter Solis Nery’s Catharsis
By Jonell Segador Gregorio
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Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed that there are five stages of grief: 1.) Denial and Isolation; 2.) Anger; 3.) Bargaining; 4.) Depression; 5.) Acceptance. Peter Solis Nery for sure felt these, though in varying depths and intensity, and not necessarily in that order.
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Denial and isolation is apparent in Burns, where Nery tries to convince his readers he is okay amidst his loss. Yet, in the last line, he reveals his true feelings — Mourning is the slower, and more painful, death.
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Anger seems to be the prevailing stage of grief in AFTER. And it is not just ordinary anger. It is one that simmers, seethes, explodes. In other words, a Peter Solis Nery kind of anger.
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He grapples with this emotion doing unthinkable things, particularly for a dead beloved. Who else would do a “wilding” just days after his husband died? Boys and men; from A to Z. Nery is insatiable in his desire for revenge and sex.
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This anger overwhelms the other Stages of Grief: Bargaining and Depression. A reading of his 31 poems could only reveal traces of bargaining:
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Who cares anymore. If you spin in your grave? All the whoring in the world wouldn’t bring you back. I’m still mad. At you. And I wish that I could feel something more. But what else is there greater than Anger, but Hate? And what is greater than Hate, but Love? — Beyond Hate
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The Filipino heart (and Ilonggo, for that matter) in Nery could never be denied. Others will call it naivete, but Nery loved, unconditionally. The ending is sometimes tragic.
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My American husband did not know my Filipino heart. How I love with my whole being. How I put my whole faith. In his promises. Left poor and hurting, how can I still believe. That he so loved me. As he said? — My American Husband
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But his acceptance of the death of his husband is apparent everywhere. In fact, he wrote a poem just for that (Acceptance), expressing how he processes the reality of death.
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Readers will notice that Peter Solis Nery’s notion of acceptance is peppered with his own brand of vengeance (whoring and wilding) and vindictiveness (giving away his things, the hearing aid being the last).
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At the same time, let it be stated that behind the façade of anger and vengeance, his tender Filipino heart could never relinquish the love he has had for his deceased husband of six years.
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I held you tight. Held more than just your hands. Held all of you. Close to my heart. In a beautiful cloisonné urn. — Flights of Angels
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Everywhere in the collection are vivid vignettes of happy times. In Flights of Angels, Nery is waxing nostalgic:
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… I remember the first time we flew together — To Baltimore it was, united in flight we were, United Airlines it was. We held hands because you said you hated flying. You were not a virgin flyer — You were 60, retired from a job that required flying around the country! Just the same, I held your hand, and you squeezed mine.
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This collection of prose poetry by Nery reflects his love for his husband, even after his supposed betrayal. To paraphrase him, it is still love; only transformed. Whoever said that our misery makes a poet out of us is telling the truth. Peter Solis Nery, the foremost Ilonggo poet and writer, sure made use of his grief to create a tapestry of words, laced with rage. No one crosses Nery and ends up unscathed. Not even the dead.
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Undeniably, AFTER is Nery’s catharsis. It purges him of his tragedy and anger over his husband’s betrayal. But more than this, it is his gift of love to his readers, as he bares his heart and soul for the first time after his husband passed on.
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Indeed, this is a tell-all collection. The boldness (pun intended) is striking, the honesty is remarkable, and the emotion is genuine.
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Peter Solis Nery celebrated his 50th birthday this year, still a golden example of Ilonggo talent and heart. This collection of poetry is definitely gold!
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Jonell datelined his essay — Altavas, Aklan, May 29, 2019.
That may be insignificant to many of you.
But not for Jonell.
And, obviously, not for me now, too.
May 29, 2019 is Jonell’s 35thbirthday.
And the essay was some sort of a birthday goal.
You see, I offered the job to him on February 20, right after my February Online Master Class in Creative Writing.
Then, he forgot my first deadline because Life happened, or Life got in the way — change of employment, relationship breakup, motorbike accident with hospitalization, sibling’s graduation, etc.
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But I’m a mean “slave master” even if I don’t believe in slavery.
I push people into action.
I tell them that the best way to overcome any kind of trouble is just to “write themselves out of it”.
I don’t know if the expression means the same to everyone else.
But for me, it means, doing something creative instead of moping around, or worrying too much about things over which we don’t have control.
I feel that we can only make control over the life we willfully make.
I’m pretty sure something like that happened in the writing of my AFTER poems.
But again, don’t just take my word for it.
Buy own copy of the book, and judge for yourself!/PN
