I KNOW something about love.
And it is wonderful.
*
Love is not easy.
But I like being in love.
I like waking up in the morning thinking of him.
I like the little hurts when he does not text back when I greet him, G’morning.
I mean, I cry a little thinking he is busy with someone else who is not me.
But my heart leaps when he finally texts back. Hours later.
It makes me so alive.
So special.
*
Love keeps me young.
And if my friends are to be believed, Glowing. Ang haba ng hair ng lola ninyo!
And I do feel pretty.
Because of this boy.
This very young boy.
32 years my junior.
*
I know it sounds obscene.
I’m older than his parents.
But I love him.
Even if he probably cannot love me back.
It makes me happy just to love him.
*
Of course, I know I’ll probably end up crying.
But crying happens with anyone who is in love.
Even the most successful love stories involve tears.
I seriously believe it is not true love when it doesn’t involve crying.
And I don’t know about you, but crying is good for me.
It makes me feel more human.
More vulnerable.
*
I’m a b*tch. I mean, I can really be a b*tch.
But when I’m in love, it’s hard to be b*tchy.
Love and b*tchy just do not go together.
I mean, Love can be a b*tch, but you know what I mean.
When I am in love, I cannot be cruel.
I cannot even be malicious.
*
At 49, I do not love with just emotions.
I mean, I still love with a passion.
But now, I think.
I give allowances.
I try to understand people.
Study their psychology.
Love them in my own special way.
*
I told this boy that I love him.
I told him, I do not expect him to love me back.
In my mind, I added, “…now”.
I do not expect him to love me back… now.
But I’ll try to win him over.
*
I do not think love is easy.
I treat it like a challenge.
And I will brag about it when I have finally won it.
For now, I just want to love him.
Because it makes me happy. Now!
And what is important when you are nearing 50 is the Now.
Because you do not know what happens tomorrow.
*
I’m not 16 years old anymore.
I do not think that I will live forever.
I do not think that love will just find me.
At 49, I think that I should go out looking for love.
I mean, I’ve found love before.
It kind of just fell unto my lap.
But I was much younger then.
*
These days, I wake up with old age pains.
It’s not as bad as I make it sound.
My body is just different from, say, five years ago.
But when I wake up thinking that I’m in love, I feel spritely.
Young, alive, ready to experience life to the fullest.
Ready to get hurt.
To feel human.
Ready to cry.
To feel alive.
*
This boy will probably make me cry.
Because mine is an Impossible Love.
He is not gay.
He has a girlfriend.
He’s not even 18.
But for now, he makes me happy.
And I love everything about him.
*
I love that he is not gay.
I love that he has a girlfriend.
I love that he is young.
I love that he lets me love him from afar.
I love the thought that he will most likely make me cry.
I love the thought that my love for him is an Impossible Love.
*
I love Impossible Loves.
That’s why I’m making a dinner show about it.
(Troi Oi. This Saturday, Oct. 27, 7:30 p.m. Call for dinner reservations.)
I know many people with impossible loves.
And this show is for them.
Well, it is also for our “impossible beloved” ─ the beautiful people that make us pine, whine, and cry.
*
Wait! It’s actually a show about being human.
Only that the concept is just a little artfully presented.
I mean, look at the name of my column, “My Life as Art”.
Think of my dinner show as “My Life as Art… Live at Troi Oi”.
See you there.
And learn the secret of my beautiful skin! (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
