AT LEAST two of my friends have advised me to drop my “rich aura”.
Or at least, the rich braggart character I have invented, the 2020s male version of Doña Buding.
But I am having so much fun.
And I do not see any harm.
***
No, I’m not afraid to offend the poor people.
The poor people can stay poor.
If they can’t find humor in life, that’s their problem.
I am bound to offend some people anyway.
I am an opinion maker and general critic, for God’s sake!
Everybody can always play the devil’s advocate.
***
I mean, I play it very well, too.
One friend warns me I could be held-up or kidnapped.
Um, Mr. Hold-upper, do you have GCash?
Ah, sorry, I don’t carry cash, can you accompany me to the bank?
Oh, why don’t we go to my hotel room so you can rape me, too?
Would you like to come home with me, Mr. Kidnapper? I mean, you can accidentally bring home my Picasso after you rape me!
***
The other friend is more sensible.
He thinks people may abuse me and overcharge me for everything when they know I have money to burn.
Well, haven’t I been abused enough?
Of course, I am always overcharged.
I mean, who tips a cute waiter P500 when all I had was coffee and cake?
That’s an overcharge right there.
***
People can always try to abuse me.
Why do you think I would hire pornstars and prostitutes and make them pay? Haha.
***
Of course, “because I’m rich” jokes get old.
But they’re so funny when you try to think about them.
Sadly, a few people have the time to process my jokes.
That’s why some people are readily offended.
It’s easier to be angry.
***
I have gout, and I like eating all the bad, forbidden, rich people’s food.
Because in the end, “Gout is for poor people who can’t afford allopurinol.”
Also, prostitution is bad…
If you don’t have the money to pay for it.
Also, homosexuality is bad…
If all you can afford is a pussy.
***
I have some really rich friends.
But they don’t look the part. Haha.
And you wouldn’t really care how rich they are.
Or who they are.
So, why are you ganging up on me? Haha.
Am I the only rich person you know?
***
A Fil-Am cousin has stayed on in Pinas to open a business in U-Belt Manila, no less.
If she’s not rich herself, she got generational wealth.
Her friend from Los Angeles visited her.
Would I be interested to join them on an Islas de Gigantes tour?
Not only am I interested, I got some money to burn! Haha.
***
So we took a Ceres from Buhang, Jaro to Bancal Terminal in Carles.
Because only poor people travel on utility vans.
And only poor people drive their cars themselves!
We stayed a night in Carles Tourist Inn.
I was chummy with the owner.
But they don’t have brewed coffee in Carles!
***
Friend from LA is sensitive; won’t eat food that has sat out for hours.
So for the night, freshly cooked prawns and crabs.
They ate rice, I didn’t.
Because rice is for poor people who can’t afford two viands!
***
Tour starts. Island hopping.
First stop was Sicogon.
But it was the poor side of Sicogon.
I was thinking, maybe we can walk over to the rich side, and have coffee at the resort.
No time enough to do it.
Poor tourists on a package tour have to see everything on the single most important trip of their lives.
***
Island, island, more of the same, and then lunch.
The tour package sold the idea of unlimited rice, unlimited scallops, unlimited coffee.
Again, “unlimited” is for poor people who can’t afford to order what, and how much, they want.
There were free crabs and binakol with lunch, but only rice and scallops were unlimited.
There was unlimited coffee, but it was coffee “stick”!
Meanwhile, the rich among us can order fresh lemonade and mango-graham shake./PN
