I CAN be addictive.
If an adult does not fall in love with me after three hours of talking to me, there’s probably no chance that I’m gonna marry the person.
If a child does not fall crazily in love with me after three days of me staying in their house, that child could be from Hell.
***
The house I’m staying at right now has a two-year old.
She’s smart; but in an Alpha Generation kind of way, she can be self-absorbed with her gadgets.
She wakes up with TV, and sleeps with her iPad.
In between, she could also be playing with her mom’s or grandma’s iPhone.
***
There are five iPhones in the house.
There’s just the three of them; three generation of females.
Each has a world of her own.
Cocomelon for the toddler.
Call of Duty, and Mobile Legends for her mother.
Tulfo for the grandma.
***
The two-year old must have had some initial stranger anxiety with me.
The last time I visited, before she turned one, I video-recorded the very first time she stood up on her two feet.
This time, she is running around like crazy.
But she really didn’t warm up to me until the third day.
***
The other day, I picked her up from her day care.
It’s a 1.6-km walk. 10 minutes for me solo; probably 20 minutes with the kid.
She had a long day so I ended up carrying her home.
First, in my arms.
And after the 0.6 kilometers, in a piggyback ride.
***
After that 1.6-km bonding, she was all into me.
Snuggling where I slept.
And taking all chances for me to carry her, which is like all her waking hours.
I’m thinking the bitch has become addicted to my smell.
And now, I’m doomed to play Dad, play Uncle, play Babysitter.
***
But how can you refuse a toddler?
“Carry me! Carry me!”
“Let’s go! Let’s go.”
“Come!”
So, I end up going to places I don’t want to go.
I end up eating what I don’t want to eat.
***
In very many ways, God is showing me that fatherhood is not really for me.
I mean, I’ll probably be at war with my kid so attached to his/her electronic gadgets.
I’d probably be unreasonable if my kid would just cry to get his/her way.
***
And yes, I can’t bear a child crying.
I mean, they may not hurt as much when they fall; but I imagine the worst every time I hear a child cry.
And who can stand nursery rhymes played in an endless loop?
***
And what about teenagers?
I’m talking about today’s teenagers who are very much sexually aware, and gender-informed.
They fall in love with me because I am accepting of them, and mostly their confusion.
They want to hang out with me.
And sometimes, they get very physical.
***
Imagine a 16-year-old boy wrestling with me.
I mean, imagine him jumping in my bed, waking me up, and wrestling with me, tickling me until I beg for mercy.
These boys with absentee fathers.
These boys with distant fathers.
And though I feel nothing is wrong about it, I’m so aware of my position as an older gay man.
***
It’s true that I make young boys and young girls cry.
Because I am so lovable and awesome.
So perfect unlike their parents.
So indulgent, and so attentive.
But I can afford it because I always say goodbye.
I leave before I get their daily dose of devilishness.
***
I am a perfect companion for kids.
But only up to a certain time.
I cannot be with them 24/7, 365 days a year.
Sometimes, I think this is why Jesus died:
Because it’s such a burden to be there for “children” 24/7, 365 days a year.
***
How long before Jesus could bore his disciples to death?
How long before Judas would be impatient for Jesus to take radical actions against the Romans?
How long before the disciples would get exhausted with endless prayers (like the one in Gethsemane)?
***
I’m so good with babies and toddlers. For about three hours.
I’m so good with teenagers. For about three days.
I’m so good with adults. For about three months, or three decades, depending on the type of relationship.
***
With Panay News, I’m entering my third decade as an Ilonggo journalist.
I still got a good decade to go.
I mean, God willing!
I mean, with this COVID-19 pandemic, who knows?/PN
