I SPOKE to a private school teacher recently who shared that when a group of curious pupils asked and she tried explaining “they/them” pronouns to her Grade 2 class, the children thought she was describing a new group activity.
“Akala nila group project na naman,” she chuckled.
But behind her joke was a real concern. “How do we teach grammar, science, and faith alongside gender identity? I want to be inclusive, but I also want to be clear.”
This tension is not unique to her. According to a 2023 Social Weather Stations report, while a large majority of Filipinos — around 75 percent — support anti-discrimination in principle, only 21 percent, including LGBTQIA+ individuals, report truly understanding what gender fluidity means. The compassion is there. What is missing is shared comprehension.
One must also admit, however, that some object to the increasing emphasis on pronouns less out of malice than out of an anxiety to see language being transformed too abruptly and confusingly. They look to biology, scripture, or tradition to clarify. Others object to the demand for instant compliance sounding like coercion rather than conversation.
Most of us, however — myself included — fall in between. We wish to be compassionate, but not to be shamed for stumbling while we are in the process of learning.
LGBT advocate and actress KaladKaren, ever candid, once remarked, “This is not politics. This is personal. You can choose to honor it or not, but please do not turn it into a battleground.” That kind of honest appeal deserves to be heard.
And while kindness is a worthy starting point, so is realism or pragmatism. Mutual respect cannot be reduced to demands. It needs to be offered, nurtured, and grown. A teacher who grew up hearing “bakla” and “tomboy” as a punchline in TV sitcoms will not wake up fluent in gender-inclusive language.
But if that teacher listens, asks questions, and starts trying, should we not respond with patience instead of ridicule? Respect is not automatic. It grows in the space where humility meets consistency.
The peril, maybe, is in minimizing a profoundly individual journey to a laundry list of proper grammar. The Filipino LGBTQIA+ movement for some time now has advocated for something bigger than pronoun awareness: the right to love, to live in safety, to be safe in school and in the workplace, to not be harmed for the mere fact of being.
If the allies are disenchanted because the emphasis is too great on what to say rather than how to care, then the movement, some call it the SOGIE advocacy, will sputter. Pronouns are important, yes. But more meaningful still is how we make people feel — safe, supported, respected.
Some comments will cross the line — not always out of malice, but often out of discomfort or not knowing better. It is easy to shut down or snap back, but sometimes the better choice is to stay in the conversation. Not to win, but to understand.
Because respect is not perfection. It is sometimes keeping judgment to yourself, giving room for error, and never forgetting that being human means being imperfect — even when it is not easy.
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Doc H fondly describes himself as a “student of and for life” who, like many others, aspires to a life-giving and why-driven world grounded in social justice and the pursuit of happiness. His views do not necessarily reflect those of the institutions he is employed or connected with./PN
