The stubborn fame whore

I GUESS you can call me a fame whore. 

I actually value recognition most over free time, and money. 

I retired from my Nursing career in 2014 to have more free time. 

And I was able to do so because I have some money saved up. 

Since then, I have seriously taken my literary career more seriously. 

I’ve even taken to social media to bandwagon in the trend of self-promotion. 

And why not? 

In this millennium, a lot of people get famous (or infamous) for the wrong reasons. 

I know I have real talent. 

And I understand that if I am shy to promote myself in this self-celebrity culture of social media, I have plenty to lose. 

I trust that in ten or twenty years, the real celebrities with talents to boot (like me) will outlive the fakers, and self-deluded jerks who would do everything to go viral. 

Of course, I envy them! 

When was it ever in past history that physical ugliness and deformities, and plain view idiocy became the way to be famous? 

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My mom has a determination of a bull. 

She’s a pretty strong woman, as far as I can see. 

That’s the best thing I learned from her. 

That’s the thing I like most about her. 

And the thing I hate most about her, too. 

I mean, determination is great if it is geared towards productiveness and positivity. 

But when my mom is determined, and she’s in the wrong, she’s just steel-strong stubborn.

She’ll even resort to emotional blackmail instead of succumbing to pressure. 

I love my mom, obviously. 

But I hate her casino gambling habit. 

Like she has this determination to bankrupt the casino, which of course doesn’t happen.

She’s bullheaded about her gambling, claiming that it is her only happiness. 

My siblings, of course, would fight me for calling out my mom’s stupid bluff. 

But I’m stubborn, too. 

I’m determined to prove to mom, and everyone else, that gambling is just wrong for anyone who doesn’t have to money to finance their addiction. 

My mom can blackmail me emotionally. 

But I’m not falling for that shit anymore. 

I’m okay to be the bad guy. 

I love my mom. 

She may think I’m the most evil child. 

But I think I’m the best, and most no-bullshit, son who can call her out. 

Yes, we are both stubborn that way. 

And I got it from her.

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My heart is Beauty and the Beast, and Phantom of the Opera. 

The talented genius-monster, and the beautiful girl is the story that finds the strongest resonance in me. 

I guess my identification with the monster partly convinced me that I am not good looking at all. 

(So I grew up thinking I’m not movie star material, even if I only wanted to be a movie actor.) 

But to be sure, the Beast and the Phantom are the inspirations that drove me to develop my talents, skills, and mental superiority. 

Sad, but true story: after I became a widower, I couldn’t see any more relationship beyond the Phantom of the Opera. 

With me cast as the artistic genius doomed to lust after young, beautiful boys. 

Luckily, these beautiful boys sometimes dig artistic geniuses. Haha. (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)

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