White space

THE WRITING disciple is very good for my soul.

I am very glad that I have a newspaper column even if columnists are not really paid a big pile of money in this country.

I am also very proud that I have enough money to publish my own books if I see the need.

***

In the US, I write books and publish an average of three a year.

Such prolific year may be followed by a year of no publication, but when I bounce back, it’s usually three or four books.

I still like giving birth to new books.

But I cannot quite decide how to proceed.

***

Do I write in Hiligaynon?

It’s a dying language.

But I’m the champion of the language!

I’m fighting for its survival.

I want to push it forward, but where are our readers?

***

Or do I write in English?

I’m pretty competent to write in English now.

No, maybe not Nobel Prize quality of English writing.

Because as I see it, if I am to write in English, I would like to write for the market readers.

And I feel that the bigger market is not the Nobel Prize Literature readers, but the readers of self-help and insta-literature types.

***

Seriously, I want to be a part of the community that produces a book of 73 sentences.

Because 73 sentences are all that the average reader with ADD can absorb.

True story: I know people who buy books because of their famous titles or authors.

And don’t get to read these books!

***

Truer story: I also know people who buy books because there are plenty of white spaces on their pages.

I mean, I used to be like that, too.

Only, those were books of haiku that I was buying. 

***

These days, the popular “white space” books are by Lang Leav, Rupi Kaur, and that British Canadian who publishes under the pseudonym Atticus.

I don’t want to be writing like them, but I want their success with the white spaces.

My friend says I am ready for it.

But I’m also a little scared about publishing middling works.

***

By middling works, I mean, literature I write between the award-winners and the freewheeling newspaper columns.

The fear is beautiful because it challenges me to do better.

But it can also be paralyzing, crippling.

What work is worth the effort?

***

I like the idea that writing is not my bread and butter.

But sometimes, I also think that maybe I should cash in on my writing skills.

The bigger question is: Can I have my cake, and eat it too?

Can I push for the literature that I want, and have people patronize it?

***

And so, in my moments of confusion and indecision, I am just glad that I have a column space to fill.

I write.

I practice my skills with a hope of reaching another soul.

Maybe of educating some people, and bringing them to my mindset.

Getting them interested in my mind, in my books, in my works.

***

I like that I am older.

At 54, my needs are simple.

Coffee, fully charged iPhone and iPad, old and new books, a backpack with a toothbrush.

I got all the time in the world.

I can say Yes to most invitations, even the most spontaneous.

***

If I don’t write another book in my lifetime, I will be fine.

But that is not likely to happen.

I have just finished another 100 erotic poems.

It’s a volume I want to publish this year.

But let us also see if I don’t publish another book with 73 sentences.

***

Oh, but that road to 73!

You see, if I am to limit myself to 73 sentences, those 73 better be all sparkling gems.

They better be faultless.

Well, maybe not faultless, but definitely better than what average writers produce.

***

The song playing now has the line “…how deep is your love”.

I do not know it, so I asked the barista.

It’s by Tivon; it’s called “How Deep Is Your Love”.

This is not the BeeGees.

And I suspect that the song lyrics is some kind of a white space on the page lyrics./PN