January 13, 2018


(This two-part series will continue on Tuesday. Love in the Time of the Bacunaua, the novel in installments, will keep its MWF schedule.)

THIS January 2018, Iloilo’s world-famous Dinagyang Festival turns 50.

I turn sexy 49. I wish it was naughty 69.

You know, an age old enough not to give a f*ck about anything, but not too old to be unable to do it.

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I have decided to stage another show. Like the one-man stand-up performance I gave in September last year.

Same venue: Troi Oi Vietnamese Restaurant by the Iloilo Riverside Boardwalk.

You must understand: I am a loyalist. A serial monogamist. A stick to one person. I’m a one-man/woman man. A faithful lover. Despite my playboy image.

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Or, maybe not. Maybe, I’m a real playboy. A lustful lothario in constant prowl.

I can really feel in my heart that I’m a genuine libertine, too. Especially when I am ignored by the current object of my affection.

I am insatiable. Always with a hunger for more. Just as Mel Turao’s book, “Insatiable: A Literary Biography of Peter Solis Nery”, tries to assert.

Oh, by the way, the book will be launched, with Mel Turao, during my show. If you have money, you can buy it. And own a little of “me”. For just P600.

Hell, you can buy me!

You can buy me…a drink!

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The show will be on the Friday night of the Dinagyang weekend, Jan. 26.

It will be a good way to kick Dinagyang. Which seems to ignore me. Again!

But which I still love.

I still support and promote Dinagyang. Because I am a proud Ilonggo!

And I am loyal, faithful, monogamist, and…Ilonggo gani!

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In fact, I conceived my show to boost Dinagyang’s and Iloilo’s attractiveness.

By creating a venue for the smart and sexy Iloilo. To help kick away the “most shabulized city” image.

So, my show is not really out to “kick” Dinagyang. But to “kick it off”.

See what a little preposition can do?

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My show is for locals, yes. But this is where you take your out-of-towner friends if you want to show off Iloilo’s best.

And its best kept secrets. Which I am likely to spill. It’s that kind of show!

This is the show to impress. The “in” place to be. The right place for the right party animal.

Or, to get laid, if you are smart and sexy enough.

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January is my birthday month. So, I am most generous in spirit.

I think of parties that please the others most. More than me.

I don’t mind humiliating myself if it makes you happy. SMBD, anyone?

But I’m not going to shy away from getting some fun for myself, too, if you know what I mean.

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Dinagyang is notorious for the so-called Dinagyang orgies.

Been there, done that.

And I bet, you don’t even know where they are!

Still, I feel I can do better than just point the way.

Maybe I can give you the secret password.

Or, maybe not.

Come to the show. Get me drunk, and we will see.

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There will only be one show. It will start at 8 p.m. A dinner show for people who just want to wish me a happy birthday, have a drink, and get some delicious Vietnamese streetfood.

While listening to my brand of comedy and storytelling. Some sleazy, some gossipy. But always smart and sexy.

Funny and intellectual little anecdotes for people with brains, or a fraction thereof.

It’s by reservation only, so it could easily be filled by partnered friends, dating couples, and gangs of cool people. Book early, book in advance! Troi Oi will accept reservations starting Jan. 10. Call +63 33 323 3169. Or message them on Facebook.

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I will prepare for a show to last until Troi Oi’s closing time. That will give enough time to get people wasted for the midnight magic hour. When the Dinagyang orgiastic “food” feast truly begins.

Of course, I will advise people to drink responsibly.

And use a condom! Every time, every hole.

A different condom for every different hole!

This season, please f*ck with caution. HIV infection is still on the rise in Western Visayas. And Iloilo especially.

If you drink, don’t drive. If you’re drunk, don’t f*ck. And don’t f*ck strangers without a condom!

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If the crowd is receptive, and into my kind of thing, I can lead them to a place where we don’t need a stage and a microphone. But that’s after my show!

Disclaimer: If I pull off my “personal stunt” right, well, then, it’s to each his/her own luck. Haha! But I will finish my show. My show is my commitment. What I give as bonus after the show is really bonus!

Relax, it’s Dinagyang. There will be wasted people on the streets!

Which streets? I’ll tell you which streets!

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Oh, by the way, you cannot be drunk, or behave under the influence, in my show. We reserve the right to refuse entry. And to refuse serving liquors in excess of your tolerance.

I want everybody to have a good time. Especially if they are paying for admission. I want a safe fun-filled night.

I want to get you to that level of heightened intoxication, where it’s okay to be touchy-feely because you are in great company, and in an amazing Peter Solis Nery show, and you just want to hug (or grope) everyone who will let you.

But we will take our drunken carousing elsewhere.

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We will respect the dignity and decency of Troi Oi, which is truly becoming my “stage/theatrical” home in Iloilo City; and my restaurant of choice alongside the specialty eatery Lars Buko Batchoy in Mandurriao.

Sleazy talks, seductions, preludes to a kiss, sure, go ahead.

But no sleazy maneuvers, no indecent behaviors in the public eye (except for me, because I will just be “acting” anyway), and no toilet action, please.

Go play in your car! Get a room! (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)

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