1. IF IT comments on society, it’s not poetry. It’s an editorial.
2. If it teaches a moral lesson, it’s not poetry. It’s a sermon.
3. If it screams for action, it’s not poetry. It’s a slogan.
4. If it rhymes, it is suspect, and not likely poetry. It’s usually just a trick ending.
5. If it’s grave and serious, it’s not likely poetry. It’s a corpse to be investigated.
6. If it’s angry, it’s not likely poetry. It’s a set of chants for a rally.
7. If it has a hidden meaning, it’s not poetry. It’s a puzzle.
8. If it’s not specific, and full of abstract ideas, it’s not likely poetry. It’s a political speech, an oration.
9. If it speaks of the goodness of God, it’s not a poem. It’s a prayer.
10. If it uses clichés of young love, it is likely a bad copy. It’s called cheating.
11. If it’s full of heartaches and hopelessness, it’s not poetry. It’s just the drunken slur of a loser.
12. If it does not play and have fun with the language, it’s not poetry. It’s a confused impostor.
13. If you are too eager to be published, you probably aren’t a poet. Eagerness is an attitude, it’s not equivalent to poetry.
14. If you are too sensitive to criticisms, you probably aren’t a poet. Criticism is part of the poet’s territory.
15. If you are unwilling to revise, you probably aren’t a poet. Revision is a necessary process to good poetry.
16. If you want to impart a message, you probably aren’t a poet. You could be a prophet—inspired by hallucinatory voices.
17. If you don’t have a dictionary, or don’t use one, you probably aren’t a poet. I don’t even know what you are.
18. If you try to impress readers with weird words, you probably aren’t a poet. You’re just highfalutin — yes, that’s how it’s spelled!
19. If you force your poems on people, you probably aren’t a good poet. Smart people seek out good poets.
20. If poetry just “comes naturally” to you, you probably aren’t a good poet. Either you are a freak, or a fake.
21. If you still use ‘thee’, ‘thou’, and ‘fucketh’, you probably aren’t a poet. You’re just a Shakespearean copycat!
22. If you haven’t outgrown end rhyme and meter, you probably haven’t matured as a poet. You are stuck in nursery rhymes counting syllables.
23. If you can only write about heartbreaks and lost loves, you probably shouldn’t be writing. Poetry is supposed to give joy, not suffering.
24. If you only write to express yourself, do that. Just don’t pass your shit off as poetry.
25. If it needs an explanation, it’s not poetry. It’s an excuse.
26. If it just wants to tell a story, don’t fight it. Write a story instead.
27. If you can’t say everything under 21 lines, pray for divine intervention or call a friend. Editing is your friend.
28. If it’s longer than 21 lines, write a novel.
29. If it’s a condensation of wisdom everybody already knows, it’s not an aphorism, it’s stating the obvious.
30. If it’s so obvious, it’s not poetry. It’s not even news anymore. It’s cold facts. Poetry is best served hot (or at least, warm).
31. If it’s shorter than a haiku, you can invent a name for it. Use all caps, so the minuscule can be seen.
32. If your spelling and grammar are wrong, they’re sadly wrong. Poetic license is not a license to kill.
33. If you are confused by what you’ve written, multiply that by 10. That’s how confused your stupid reader is.
34. If you are defensive about your poetry, you should be. Especially if the attacks sound true and reasonable.
35. If you want to learn poetry, be ready to take somebody’s golden shit, and turn it to plain gold — shining, shimmering, splendid.
36. If you believe that poetry is a free for all, you are correct. Everybody shits in this world. You just have to shit beautifully.
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I am Peter Solis Nery, and I am a poet./PN
