AS A CHILD I got so many wishes that never came true. Seeing poverty at its worst in my formative years I wished to have a magic wand that anything I could touch turned into gold. At least that was what the story shared to us by our classroom teachers went.
Flying high, soaring to its peak, almost touching the moon was another wish. All I wanted after all was just to see the vastness of the world a thousand miles away or maybe more – appreciate its God-given beauty at nighttime and experience the tranquility all by yourself. Peter Pan did it, so why couldn’t I?
Or maybe someday I’ll meet my own princess in the wilderness somewhere in Mambucal, a famous resort in Murcia, a few kilometers away from Bacolod City proper – exactly with the same perfect beauty as described in a fairy tale.
There were times I was also obsessed with becoming somewhat like a superhero. I see myself in Tarzan who was able to survive in a jungle for years without his parents attending his needs. His desire to live and exist right in the middle of a forest away from human intervention unconsciously is his way of living and loving life itself. That’s toughness and bravery to the core.
Having these desires he had the privilege of living with mortals, adapted their way of life only to go back to the world he’d learned to co-exist with the primates that raised him up and also taught him the meaning of unselfish love the primal way, not expecting anything in return. Of course this was all but a myth.
Growing up in a big family without a father had been tremendously hard for my mom. Tatay passed away while I was only in Grade 1 and could hardly remember his physical features. Strangely, my mom failed to keep even a single picture of his to remind us how he looked like when he was alive. Hence I don’t have my father’s image on my mind. My elder siblings could remember him except me and my youngest brother and twin sisters.
The loss of my father had only sunk in when I was in high school. During school activities my classmates were with their parents. This realization gave me the feeling of emptiness – not having the experience of being hugged by my father and hugging him in return. I’ve got so many questions I wanted to ask and share with him.
My father, a security guard in Manila, died of cardiac arrest at age 46, leaving us his children and mom nothing.
On the other hand, I don’t blame my mother for neglecting us somehow for she herself was busy looking for resources to feed us her growing children. Mom got widowed in her productive years.
Mom barely finished her elementary education. With no one to depend on financially after Tatay’s death she got into all sort of activities just to make us survive. From selling blue sealed cigarettes of various brands (considered illegal at that time) such as Union, Chesterfield, and Salem, to mention a few, mom put herself at risk of getting arrested and jailed.
People who had talked behind my back had no idea what I went through. All I want this Christmas is good health and peace of mind. (roblesnelson339@yahoo.com/PN)
