By Aiza dela Cruz
My son was about three years old when we received his formal diagnosis. Although my husband and I have accepted that he is different from other children, we struggled emotionally for a bit, in what other parents of children with special needs call “the grieving process.”
The grieving process was hard and we could only talk about it between ourselves, at night when our son was asleep. In between planning for the future and how to help him were tears and muffled sobs because we know that he would have a hard time as he grows. The world is a cruel and unforgiving place. People who are different from the norms are isolated, disdained and ridiculed. We cried in fear, cried for his uncertain future, cried for the possible unacceptance and prejudice of people, cried for his education which he may not have like other children, and cried for all other terrifying possibilities that parents may think of. We grieved for the loss of a typical childhood for our son, our dreams and expectations for our son, and our own jaded notions of parenthood.
For months, my husband and I would discuss and draw up plans to ensure the future of our son. I scoured the internet for information that will help us. I joined so many Facebook pages on autism, and groups of parents with autistic children that my timeline only shows posts on autism. I was thankful though, because it helped me come to terms with my own fears and “grief.” I realized I was not alone and the emotional rollercoaster I was feeling was common among parents of autistic children. We steeled ourselves because we are on a mission to help our son. We educated ourselves about autism. We fully accepted it.
We were never ashamed of our son. Our son is our pride and joy. We bring him everywhere with us. We don’t feel embarrassed about his autistic behaviors. However, before, I was apologetic about his behavior when we were outside. I would constantly ask people to pardon my son’s behavior, especially when he runs around singing, and randomly goes up to a table to sit on their laps or grab their things.
One time, my son and I were in a restaurant when he bumped into an American father while running. I immediately apologized. What he said to me that day has sort of become one of my guiding principles. He told me to stop apologizing and to never apologize for a child’s behavior. He said it was normal for a child to run around and be noisy. He told me to look around. I saw that there were other children playing and running around – children who were more rowdy than my son. In fact, my son looked docile compared to them. He said my son was just being a child, and I should let my child be a child. I sincerely thanked him because I realized that I may have overlooked that my son is a child and focused too much on him being autistic.
Ever since that day, I just let my son be a child – a happy and curious child just like the others. I did not attribute his behavior to him being autistic; I just see them as a behavior of a child. I rid myself of any expectation from him and just let him be. If he wants to roll in the grass, I let him. With that in mind, my anxiety and stress levels went down, and I became a much happier mother who would laugh at his son’s antics. It made me a better mother because I would first try to understand my son rather than immediately correct him or stop him.
We are actually thankful that our son is autistic. He is a loving and affectionate child; he would hug and kiss us all the time, and would look at us with adoration in his eyes. He gives love unconditionally and demonstrates it in so many ways, like giving me flowers he picked from the garden and happily throwing himself at his father coming home from work.
We cherish and celebrate more his achievements, and encourage him in his failures. When we were teaching him how to write, we guided his hands when he could not write a specific letter while comforting him that he can try again. When he finally learned to write a letter he had difficulty with, we gifted him with chocolate and celebrated it with a drive-thru ice cream.
It is only now that we realized there was no point in grieving over our son’s autism. Yes, he is not like the typical child because he is so much more. He taught us unconditional love, boundless understanding, unlimited patience and broadened our perspectives.
Autism is not the end of it all. It is the beginning of something new and exciting, and a life full of celebration and surprises.
Jan. 18 to 24 is the 25th National Autism Consciousness Week. This year’s theme, “Pilipinong May Autismo: Kakaiba, Kasali, Konektado,” intends to further societal awareness on the uniqueness of Filipinos on the spectrum; inclusive development in human rights, education, employment, media, among others; and individual self-awareness, self-expression and feeling of belonging to a compassionate society.
I enjoin everyone to have more compassion and understanding for all children with special needs.
I would also like to hear the experiences of other parents who have children on the autism spectrum. You may email me on genevieveaiza.delacruz@gmail.com. I am a member of the Autism Society Philippines (ASP), a national, non-profit organization dedicated to the well-being of persons on the autism spectrum disorder./PN
My son was about three years old when we received his formal diagnosis. Although my husband and I have accepted that he is different from other children, we struggled emotionally for a bit, in what other parents of children with special needs call “the grieving process.”
The grieving process was hard and we could only talk about it between ourselves, at night when our son was asleep. In between planning for the future and how to help him were tears and muffled sobs because we know that he would have a hard time as he grows. The world is a cruel and unforgiving place. People who are different from the norms are isolated, disdained and ridiculed. We cried in fear, cried for his uncertain future, cried for the possible unacceptance and prejudice of people, cried for his education which he may not have like other children, and cried for all other terrifying possibilities that parents may think of. We grieved for the loss of a typical childhood for our son, our dreams and expectations for our son, and our own jaded notions of parenthood.
For months, my husband and I would discuss and draw up plans to ensure the future of our son. I scoured the internet for information that will help us. I joined so many Facebook pages on autism, and groups of parents with autistic children that my timeline only shows posts on autism. I was thankful though, because it helped me come to terms with my own fears and “grief.” I realized I was not alone and the emotional rollercoaster I was feeling was common among parents of autistic children. We steeled ourselves because we are on a mission to help our son. We educated ourselves about autism. We fully accepted it.
We were never ashamed of our son. Our son is our pride and joy. We bring him everywhere with us. We don’t feel embarrassed about his autistic behaviors. However, before, I was apologetic about his behavior when we were outside. I would constantly ask people to pardon my son’s behavior, especially when he runs around singing, and randomly goes up to a table to sit on their laps or grab their things.
One time, my son and I were in a restaurant when he bumped into an American father while running. I immediately apologized. What he said to me that day has sort of become one of my guiding principles. He told me to stop apologizing and to never apologize for a child’s behavior. He said it was normal for a child to run around and be noisy. He told me to look around. I saw that there were other children playing and running around – children who were more rowdy than my son. In fact, my son looked docile compared to them. He said my son was just being a child, and I should let my child be a child. I sincerely thanked him because I realized that I may have overlooked that my son is a child and focused too much on him being autistic.
Ever since that day, I just let my son be a child – a happy and curious child just like the others. I did not attribute his behavior to him being autistic; I just see them as a behavior of a child. I rid myself of any expectation from him and just let him be. If he wants to roll in the grass, I let him. With that in mind, my anxiety and stress levels went down, and I became a much happier mother who would laugh at his son’s antics. It made me a better mother because I would first try to understand my son rather than immediately correct him or stop him.
We are actually thankful that our son is autistic. He is a loving and affectionate child; he would hug and kiss us all the time, and would look at us with adoration in his eyes. He gives love unconditionally and demonstrates it in so many ways, like giving me flowers he picked from the garden and happily throwing himself at his father coming home from work.
We cherish and celebrate more his achievements, and encourage him in his failures. When we were teaching him how to write, we guided his hands when he could not write a specific letter while comforting him that he can try again. When he finally learned to write a letter he had difficulty with, we gifted him with chocolate and celebrated it with a drive-thru ice cream.
It is only now that we realized there was no point in grieving over our son’s autism. Yes, he is not like the typical child because he is so much more. He taught us unconditional love, boundless understanding, unlimited patience and broadened our perspectives.
Autism is not the end of it all. It is the beginning of something new and exciting, and a life full of celebration and surprises.
Jan. 18 to 24 is the 25th National Autism Consciousness Week. This year’s theme, “Pilipinong May Autismo: Kakaiba, Kasali, Konektado,” intends to further societal awareness on the uniqueness of Filipinos on the spectrum; inclusive development in human rights, education, employment, media, among others; and individual self-awareness, self-expression and feeling of belonging to a compassionate society.
I enjoin everyone to have more compassion and understanding for all children with special needs.
I would also like to hear the experiences of other parents who have children on the autism spectrum. You may email me on genevieveaiza.delacruz@gmail.com. I am a member of the Autism Society Philippines (ASP), a national, non-profit organization dedicated to the well-being of persons on the autism spectrum disorder./PN
